This week, I leave for another retreat.

And as I was preparing for this one, I found myself thinking about giving.

When I first started doing retreats and workshops, I had an idea in my mind of what they would look like.

Twelve women.

A certain number of rooms.

A certain kind of experience.

A certain picture of what I thought I was building.

But over time, God has been teaching me something different.

Sometimes twelve women show interest.

Sometimes fewer women come.

And I’ve had to learn not to measure the value of the retreat or workshop by the number of people in the room.

Instead, I find myself asking: Who has God placed in front of me in this season?

And perhaps more importantly: What do I have the capacity to give?

Because giving isn’t always about giving the most.

Sometimes it’s about giving what you have.

There have been times when I’ve thought I should be able to do more, accommodate more, hold more, give more.

But there is a difference between generosity and depletion.

And I’ve been learning that intentional giving requires us to be honest about our capacity.

This week, especially, I have been reminded of that.

As I prepare to leave, I’m tired. My body has been asking me to slow down. And yet I know that I have enough capacity for the women who will be with me.

Maybe five is exactly who I’m meant to give to this time.

Maybe the smaller number allows for conversations that wouldn’t happen with twelve.

Maybe someone needs a little more attention.

Maybe someone needs to be heard.

Maybe someone needs the exact thing I have to offer.

And maybe God knew that before I did.

Giving vs. Investing

This week, I was also reminded of a conversation I had with one of my mentees about giving.

She was trying to understand something that had been causing her some internal conflict.

She is naturally a giver. When people come to her needing help, she is accustomed to giving.

But sometimes she was approaching certain opportunities to support people or businesses almost like an investment.

And there is an important distinction between the two.

When I give, I have made a decision that what I am offering is a gift.

There is no expectation that it will come back to me.

When I invest, there is an expectation of some kind of return – whether that’s financial, experiential, relational, or otherwise – and that expectation needs to be clear.

Neither is wrong.

But confusion can arise when I call something giving, while somewhere inside me I am expecting an investment return.

Then I give… and wait.

I give… and wonder why it hasn’t been returned.

I give… and feel disappointed.

I give… and become resentful.

And perhaps the problem isn’t always that I gave too much.

Perhaps I simply wasn’t clear about what I was giving.

So I encouraged her to make the distinction for herself.

If this is a gift, give it freely.

Release it.

Don’t keep score.

Don’t secretly wait for it to come back.

But if this is an investment, then be intentional about that too.

Know what you’re investing in.

Know what you hope to receive.

Set the appropriate expectations.

And I loved the peace that came from simply defining the difference.

It made me think about how often we do this in other areas of our lives.

We say we’re giving… but we’re waiting for appreciation.

We’re giving… but we’re hoping someone will finally recognize our worth.

We’re giving… but we’re keeping a mental record of everything we’ve done.

And then we wonder why giving doesn’t feel joyful anymore.

Maybe St. Francis is inviting us into something different.

“For it is in giving that we receive.”

Notice that he doesn’t say: Give so that you can get something back.

He says: It is in giving that we receive.

There is something that happens within us when we give freely.

We receive joy.

We receive connection.

We receive purpose.

We receive gratitude.

We receive the privilege of knowing that our lives have made a difference in someone else’s.

Sometimes we receive a smile.

Sometimes a thank-you.

Sometimes a changed life.

And sometimes we receive absolutely nothing we can see, but the giving itself has changed us.

Because love isn’t meant to be a transaction and generosity isn’t meant to be a scorecard.

I think about my retreats.

Every retreat requires giving.

Time.

Energy.

Planning.

Resources.

Attention.

Creativity.

Presence.

And yes, sometimes I wonder if all of it is worth it.

But then the women arrive.

And we talk.

And laugh.

And share.

And pray.

And learn.

And something happens that I could never have completely planned.

I give… and I receive.

I receive their stories.

Their trust.

Their laughter.

Their vulnerability.

Their friendship.

Their growth.

Their presence.

And I leave reminded that what I thought I was giving away was never really leaving me empty.

It was creating space for something else to come in.

Perhaps that is the paradox of generosity.

We don’t necessarily become poorer by giving.

Sometimes we become fuller.

But I am also learning that giving doesn’t mean giving everything.

It doesn’t mean saying yes to everyone.

It doesn’t mean ignoring your body’s signals.

It doesn’t mean exhausting yourself to prove that you care.

It doesn’t mean giving beyond your capacity.

Intentional giving requires discernment.

What am I called to give?

Who am I called to give it to?

How much am I able to give in this season?

And can I give it freely, without attaching an expectation that it must come back to me in the same form?

Those questions have brought me a lot of peace.

Because maybe the goal isn’t to become a woman who gives more.

Maybe the goal is to become a woman who gives more intentionally.

To give from love rather than obligation.

To give from abundance rather than guilt.

To give within my capacity rather than beyond it.

To give without keeping score.

And to trust God with what happens after I release the gift.

This week, I will walk into another retreat.

Not with twelve women like I originally imagined.

But with the women who are there.

And I am going to trust that they are enough for what I have to give, and what I have to give is enough for this moment.

Because perhaps God isn’t asking me to give what I wish I had.

Perhaps He is simply asking me to give what I have.

And maybe… five is exactly what I can give to right now.

And maybe that’s enough.

Scripture Reminds Us

In Acts 20:35 – “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” 

Giving isn’t about having more than enough.

Sometimes it’s about recognizing that what we already have is enough to bless someone else.

Reflection

Take a moment to consider:

• What does giving mean to you?
• Are there things you have called “giving” where, if you’re honest, you were actually expecting something in return?
• Where might you need to distinguish between giving and investing?
• Are you giving from love and generosity, or from guilt, obligation, or a desire to be appreciated?
• What is your capacity to give in this particular season of your life?
• Is there something you need to release freely rather than continuing to keep score?
• And where might you need to give yourself permission to receive as well?

Perhaps sit with this question:

What would it look like to give intentionally, freely, and within my capacity – and then trust God with the return?

Today my prayer is simple.

O Divine Master, teach me to give freely and intentionally.

Help me to know the difference between giving and investing, so that I do not attach expectations to gifts I have freely chosen to give.

Give me wisdom to understand my capacity, so that I do not confuse generosity with depletion.

Teach me to trust that I do not have to give to everyone, or give everything, to make a difference.

Help me to recognize the people You have placed in front of me and to offer them what I have to give in this season.

And when I give, remind me to look for what I receive – not as a transaction, but as the unexpected gifts of joy, connection, purpose, gratitude, and grace.

May I give without keeping score, receive without guilt, and trust You with the measure of both.

For it is in giving that we receive.

Amen.

Until next Saturday!

Love, Talisha ❤️